I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
The air was thick with penises
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
