I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
