Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
