And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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