U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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