Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
