Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
50% drunk capacity currently
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Randomize
