i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
