if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
