you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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