he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
