I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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