so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
