The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
