I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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