today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
