4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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