Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
