Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
