My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
