I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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