I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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