how can u be prego again
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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