You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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