In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
