Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
