Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
