So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
