Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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