he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
