Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
