I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
