I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
