Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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