I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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