Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
