based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I love having hate sex.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
