shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
