Fuck appropriateness.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
