Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
