But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
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