Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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