ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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