I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
