Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
