GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
