He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
