Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
