I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
