I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
