ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
