So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
