his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
