I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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