The maid of honor just puked.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I looked at my own cervix.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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