this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I could fuck to npr.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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