So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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