when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I take back everything I said about communal showers
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
