the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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